Jan. 16th, 2012 10:04 pm
[personal profile] seishun
things which have happened since i stopped updating:

1. Damian and i have gotten married. this was something wonderful.

2. my (now former, by her decree) mother-in-law found out about this and went on a bigoted rampage, demanding i leave my home. she owns the house in which Travis and i live, and she thinks this gives her the right to kick the "sinner" out. guess she forgot about Romans 3:23. this was not so wonderful, but it seems to have had some positive effects.

3. there is NO third thing!

4. i went to Wisconsin for Christmas, and to Indiana for a couple weeks after that. this was a really wonderful getaway, even if i had to endure lots of right-wing bloviating on the radio (and at dinner a couple times). my folks, for all their right-wingedness, have been remarkably supportive and accepting of not just my transness, but apparently also of my being poly. this i had not expected.

5. when i returned to Los Angeles, i was greeted by a friend, who is putting me up at her house until such time as Travis and i can afford an apartment. meanwhile, Damian is also looking for a place, and wants me to come stay with him when he does. i'm deeply grateful to my friend for giving me a place to live. i'm also looking forward to being with either one of my husbands…to having a HOME again.

6. i received an email from Travis's folks today. there was no body, just a link to a website about a supposed transgender woman who claimed to have been pushed to become female, but knew she didn't REALLY want to do it, and, after coming to Christ, detransitioned and is apparently very happy living again as a man. there are a few problems with this. first off, our stories are completely different. this person claims they were forced to wear girls' clothing as a child by their grandmother. they also claim to have been molested by an uncle. they also claim they wanted nothing to do with being female, but only transitioned because they thought they had no other choice.

i was NEVER forced to wear girls' clothing. i WANTED to wear them. i would wear my sister's or mother's clothing whenever i could. when puberty arrived and my body began to change i was dismayed when my breasts didn't grow, when my hips didn't widen. and when my beautiful soprano voice broke and became a tenor (and later, a baritone) it hurt. though i still loved singing, i lost the desire to do so publically. i was in choir my freshman year of high school but quit when i changed schools for my sophomore year. these things did not register consciously, but they affected me all the same.

i always WANTED to live life as a girl. my doubts today notwithstanding, i think things are better for me than they were before. so transition WASN'T the answer to all my problems—so what? i'm doing better as Carla Irene Anderson-Kisala than i was as Bruce Willard. how alien that name feels now…

talking with Travis tonight he commented on how receiving this email has strengthened my resolve about transition and my femininity. he said transition must be God's will because this attempt to push me to "get right with God" has only made me realise i've taken the right steps. so. irony. :)

so anyway, life is a little chaotic right now but overall it's good. i have shelter, a whole bunch of amazing, loving friends and two incredible guys who love me despite my faults. things will get better, sooner or later.

(no subject)

Date: 2012-01-17 03:32 pm (UTC)
xap: Talia is determined to be a Wicked Girl Saving Herself (exp - wicked talia)
From: [personal profile] xap
but apparently also of my being poly. this i had not expected.

I definitely understand this....I figured that the best I would get would be my parents being pleased that I was happy, but not at all understanding or accepting of the reasons why, etc. Not only did they manage to adjust their worldview to deal with the concept of poly, and handle their daughter being in a poly relationship, but when visiting a few months ago they happily met and struck up friendships with my partner AND his wife.

I'm so glad you're getting this, at least on the one side. Even moreso that it's for both the poly and your transition :) Neither is easy, together...well, yay for support! (overall too, not just your family).

Totally agree with Travis' comments on the email too :)

Keeping fingers crossed that the housing situation resolves well, and quickly.


a horrible mess

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