Excitement vs being happy

Last night in therapy, C. asked me if I was excited about my orchi. I've thought about this a bit so I was able to answer quickly that I wasn't. I'm a bit nervous, and I'm VERY happy about it, but excited? No. I'm definitely HAPPY about it, because after 33-ish years of testosterone HELL I am about to be liberated. T has left its mark on me, and it's one which not even surgery could erase, but estrogen is relieving a lot of the pain I've felt. But rather than be excited about surgery, I'm really rather sanguine about it. And this isn't the first time something which anyone might assume would be exciting has just left me flat. I felt about the same when I started hormones, and when I saw Dr Maddie for the first time. It's all been GOOD for me, and it's all made me terribly happy, but excited? Not so much. It's all felt like stuff I needed to do. OK, let's get this done and move on to the next step.

I kind of wish I WERE getting excited about this stuff, you know? I almost feel like there's something wrong with me. But I guess there's no point getting worked up over it. I'm happy, and that's enough for me. C.'s parting instruction—my homework for the week, she told me—was to hold on to that happiness as much as possible during the week and to use it to boost my spirits if ever I were feeling low. Not a problem. :)