Stuff

So I've been quiet of late. I've not been doing terribly well because the holidays remind me of a family that's lost to me owing to one person's manipulation and fuckery, but as they fade into the distance and the new year grows I'm doing somewhat better.

One area where I'm still completely lost is with my gender identity. I can't stand female pronouns and I hate even thinking about femaleness. I feel like a faker, a phony. I am not female and transition was a huge mistake for me. I can't go backward, but neither can I go forward, so what am I to do? Most days, I wish I were dead.