Alien Girlybrain

OK, so we'd been planning to go to Japan next year so we could meet kakeochi_umai and busaikko but it's looking like that's not going to happen until 2011. Which is cool, because it means I can go back to the Midwest to visit family and friends. I've made a lot of new friends like gelasius and kittyburger in the last little while, a few of whom actually live in the Midwest, and I'd really like to meet them face-to-face.

I'm upset because I'm going to miss Katie's wedding. She and her intended, Betsy, will be tying the knot in Des Moines (on account of because Iowa allows same-sex couples to do that, for great justice!) on June 5th but I, ah, I will be preparing for finals that weekend. *le sigh* Ah well. We're still going to try and meet up at CONvergence in July.

I think it'll be a little easier meeting up with gelasius since he lives in Chi-town and oh, guess where I'll be flying to? Yes, that's right, Chicago! :D I love that town something fierce and I'm tickled pink to have a friend there. :)

I hope I can wrangle a couple weeks or three there. I've also got a new friend (hi, Marti! *waves*) in Madison I'm dying to meet as well so the more time I get to tool around and hook up with people the better. And then there's Cliff down in Muncie who I never seem to be able to see when I'm back East. I don't want to be away too long, but as long as I'm not just sitting on my ass in Huntington (which...y'know...I love and really miss my folks, but c'mon! I value my friends, too!) I don't mind taking my time. It's a little easier when I don't have a job to deal with.

So yes, I'm all excited about this trip now. I'm really happy to have some folks to meet. As much as I love spending time with my parents, I don't want to spend more than a week with them.

OK. In the beginning I was cool with things. I had on my nice grey scoop-neck top (that likes to fall off my shoulders - HELLO!) and a really nice blue skirt. Didn't get my nails done, but who cares? I did have on my darker-than-I-thought-it-would-be-from-the-cap lipstick tho. Alexander loaned me a necklace which didn't fit around my fat neck and so I twisted up into a bracelet. I LOVED that. I need to buy a couple necklaces to do that with. LOVED IT. And I need to get a couple to wear normally too. Gah! Anyway, we left the house and went back to Alexander's place so he could take a shower and get changed. All the while, I'm trying hard not to think about what I'm about to do.

We went to Thai BBQ (the actual name of the place) at 3rd and Normandy, and got there about fifteen minutes early. That was the worst part, standing out there, totally exposed in an unfamiliar part of town as a parade of people went in and out of the restaurant. Alexander and Travis were doing their level best to make me feel better about myself, telling me I looked pretty and generally trying to encourage me. When John and Paul showed up we went in and were seated without a second look. I had panang, which is a red curry with chillies, coconut milk and beef. Travis got the Mussaman curry, which is similar - a yellow curry with beef and potatoes, but no chillies. Alexander got rainbow trout, which was OK I guess but I think I'll stick with salmon. Far fewer bones and it tastes better, too. John got mint chicken which was AWESOME and Paul had chilli beef. We just sat, eating and talking and having a nice time. I felt like I was on display the whole time though. Fortunately I didn't dwell on it.

Just before we left a guy came through the restaurant selling roses, and Alexander, ever the sweetheart bought me some. Holding them, all wrapped up like they were I kind of felt like a beauty pageant winner. Flowers are a real treat for me. We can't afford them because they're expensive and you can only enjoy them for a short while, so we don't ever buy any.

And then we came home. I survived my first real trip out in the real world as myself. I have a lot to learn about behaviour and appearance and everything else if I want to even hope to pass again, but this was (loathe though I am to quote Star Wars in such a serious post) my first step into a larger world. And I feel good. I've only done what countless women before me have done on a daily basis for years, but for me it's a big thing. I hope I can do this again soon. Maybe someday even attend classes. We shall see.

Tonight Travis and I are going out to dinner in Korea Town with Alexander and some of his friends from Guys Like Us. I'm not sure where exactly we're going to eat, but I'm sure it will be two things: cheap and good. It's kind of a big night for me because I am going to wear the clothes I want to wear tonight. I'm going to wear a skirt and a blouse, and I am going to look good. I'm going to have my hair back, put on a bit of makeup (nails and lips) and I am going to have fun, and damn anyone who tries to rain on my parade. I think I'll even see if I can borrow a necklace from Alexander. Yes, I'm going to have a good night tonight.

Well, if I was worried about Mike rejecting me it was an unfounded fear. We had a nice (non-tg) chat tonight. He didn't bring it up, and I didn't feel any particular need to rehash our last discussion. I figure it thusly: he's got to come to terms with it, and until he does I'm not going to push it. Let him bring it up when/if he's ready. Eventually of course it'll be unavoidable, but for now things are OK.

It's not like that's all I want to talk about anyway. I enjoy just chatting about Japan, Japanese, Macs and games and stuff with him, and that's about all I do want to talk about with him. So for now I think we're cool And that's a huge weight off my mind.

Came out to my friend Mike yesterday. It could have gone better. He hasn't disowned me or anything, but his reaction was nowhere near as good as my other friends' reactions have been. I hope he comes around to understanding this isn't just a choice I've made on a whim and that this *IS* me. I won't be terribly offended if he avoids the subject in the future. It's not like we don't have other stuff to talk about. I just hope he's really telling me the truth when he says he still wants to be my friend.

Had lunch at The Stand today with a friend from my old office, Becky. She’s such a terrific lady. I really like her a lot. After we ate and I’d walked her back to her office I outed myself to her. And she...oh, I really like her. She thought it was cool. I’m finding that any nervousness I’ve felt in outing myself to my friends was completely unjustified. Everyone has been wonderful and accepting so far. That really means a lot to me.

I just wish weren’t in so much pain from my tooth right now. I could have enjoyed our lunch a lot more.

I had a GREAT birthday today. Mom and Dad called in the morning and then this afternoon we had Grace’s family (at least those who still live here) and our friend Yash (who brought her three kids along for the fun - and they were well-behaved up to the point that we had dessert) and did a little cookout. I’m really weird. I love having people over, but we don’t do it that often because we don’t really have a lot of friends local to us, so it’s a real treat for me to be able to cook for people. It’s kind of my birthday present to myself, if you will.

Yash’s son, Jory, was so funny. He was “helping” me grill the hamburgers and hot dogs. He’s four, and he didn’t need to be told to be careful of the grill. He knows what hot means! The burgers were smoking a bit, and when I took the lid off the grill the smoke cleared up and he said, “The sky took the smoke away!” Smart kid! He asked me if it hurt to have my hand over the grill, and I told him it did not. I was thinking of how best to explain the fact that air isn’t as good a conductor of heat as metal when his little boy brain moved on to other subjects. He was enamoured of my tomato plants. He wanted to know if they would make flowers. I told him that yes, they will make pretty little yellow flowers which will in turn make delicious tomatoes. That might have been a bit more than he cared about.

And her oldest girl, Rowan (who is two) was also helping outside until she tripped and skinned her knees. Then it was time for her to go inside and get some love from mommy and aunt Grace, and some bandages for her knees, which were a little scraped up. Poor little girl! :( But then she had a hot dog, and it was all better! :)

And now we’re sitting at home, enjoying the quiet. We’re about to watch the Simpsons and I think I might have a little scoop of Trader Joe’s vanilla ice cream with a bit of brownie while I watch.

Yep, it’s been a lovely day. Wish you all could have been here to enjoy it with me. Maybe next year?

One of my best friends had a heart attack today. He’s fine, thank God, but oh what a scare that was.

I can’t think of anything else to say that won’t sound selfish and stupid, so I’ll shut up now.