Alien Girlybrain

Today while waiting for EZ Lube to complete an oil change I read from Anthony Bourdain’s “The Nasty Bits”, a collection of essays on food and cooking. Early in the collection is an essay called “The Evildoers”, which speaks of the growing problem (I refuse to use the word epidemic) of obesity in America (but honestly, it isn’t just America - it’s any country with an over-dependence on heavily processed foods, but that’s another post) and how “the clown” and “the colonel” are helping to fuel the problem. His solution? Don’t eat that over-processed lowest bidder garbage. Don’t eat at the majors. Find local restaurants. Eat LESS. This is something Alton Brown has spoken about as well. If you haven’t watched “Feasting On Asphalt”, you’re missing out. And so I was inspired. Already hungry, I started considering where I might go to eat that didn’t have the stink of antiseptic corporate homogeneity about it. And then it hit me: Howard’s.

Grace and I have driven by Howard’s more times than I can count. It’s on the way - but out of the way - home from Culver City. It’s a little hole-in-the-wall place on the north side of Venice boulevard, and it’s not accessible from Sepulveda (the street we usually come on). So we drive by it, thinking surely we must try it one day, but we never think about it when we’re hungry. Until today. We went up to the next main street and drove west down Venice. We lucked into a slot in the cramped lot and went in. There are four booths and a single table set up inside. Framed (and badly faded) prints of old movie posters adorne one wall. The bulk of the shop is behind a white divider, which obscures the food prep area from the diners. The menu, elegant in its simplicity hung on the other wall. We ordered the avocado and bacon burgers, a couple cokes and a small fries, and then crammed ourselves into a too-small booth.

After a few minutes the food was ready. Let me dissect the burger for you. Apart from the bun, here are the ingredients, top to bottom:

Two slices of tomato
About half a head of lettuce (I exaggerate, of course)
Three or four slices of avocado
Two very crispy (I’d say burned) strips of bacon
The burger itself

Apparently there was mayo in there somewhere - I didn’t know this until after I’d eaten. The avocado was very thinly sliced, as with a mandoline. The burger is the sort you can only get in a joint with a well-seasoned griddle. It’s a shade under well done which ordinarily would be a hanging offense, but the cook’s neck is saved by the burger’s nice, tasty crust which makes up for things. It’s head and shoulders above any McBurger.

The only problem I can see with Howard’s (apart from its tragically inaccessible location) is that there’s nothing here I can’t do at home. It’s nice to know how it’s done, but that’s really it. It’s too far to be a regular stop, even if it were on the right side of the street. Still, if you happen to be in the vicinity of Sepulveda and Venice boulevards, do stop in. It’s a good burger at a decent price. And you’ll probably feel better knowing the ingredients didn’t come all pre-sliced and sorted from the lowest bidder via an anonymous corporate warehouse.